Nothing to Fear

We really have nothing to fear. So often we don't even realize when we are afraid because we may be confused about what fear actually is. Of course it is difficult to deal with something we have not identified or are not even aware of in the first place.

We often talk about the experience of fear and the response called "fight or flight" as if they are the same thing and they are not. Fear is a psychological experience and fight or flight is a physical response we evolved over the years for our protection. One does not cause or necessitate the other. In fact, there is no real link whatsoever between the two. Sometimes individuals will have the circumstances that cause the fight or flight response and then will experience fear later on after everything has calmed down and they are no longer in danger.

Fear is always in the unknown. I have one teacher who explains this aspect of fear to his classes as follows (while in the same room with the class):

"...fear is always in the unknown. If I dumped a basket of cobras out on the floor here, would you be afraid? (Everyone in the class says yes.) What would you be afraid of? ("Being bitten!" everyone says.) Exactly. Now lets say you are bitten by one of the snakes. Are you still afraid of being bitten? (No) Now what are you afraid of? (Getting sick) Ok. Now lets say this snake bite has made you ill. Now what are you afraid of? (Dying)..."

So in this example of course no one is afraid of being bitten after they've been bitten because it's no longer unknown. They've lived through that part so they become afraid of the next unknown namely becoming ill as a result of the bite and so on.

How often have we had this experience of jumping from one fear to the next without even thinking or realizing the significance of the experience; so long as we are afraid we are ok. What a dramatic and emotionally draining experience that can be.

When we take a closer look at this concept of fear, we notice that it is the root of most any negative emotional experience in life. Doubt is being fearful that a fact we derived or were given isn't true. Envy is our experience when we are afraid we are inferior to another person. Jealousy is being afraid that we can loose something we hold dear, particularly in reference to a human connection. Experiencing anger means we are fearful that we have been wronged and usually includes the fear that we will not have the opportunity to retaliate. In general, most of our fearful experiences have to do with our fear of loosing something.

Having the knowledge that fear is NOT a necessary part of our experience is a huge part of overcoming it. Being aware of our emotions and what they really are is the other key component to conquering the overall experience of fear. We can simply ask ourselves these questions when we are having a negative emotional experience:

1)What emotion am I feeling right now? Often times a negative emotion is just under the surface and leaving it unattended can ruin our day. Identifying what it is that we are feeling shines the light of discovery upon the emotion and brings it out in the open so we can deal with it.

2) Why am I feeling what I'm feeling? If you get an answer that still has some emotional bite to it then ask yourself why that bothers you. Continue this process until the answers begin to have a neutral or diffused feeling to them. Then ask yourself:

3) What are some examples of other times that I felt this way for this reason in the past? Then categorize each example as either a) I was correct and it wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it would be; I'm still alive with some good lessons learned or the more likely category, b) I was incorrect so I wasted a lot of time being afraid when I could have felt good instead.

Asking ourselves this series of questions gives us the opportunity to take a look at what we are really feeling and why, which ultimately gives us the opportunity to choose a different emotion that may better serve us. Sometimes all we need in order to feel better is to simply give ourselves permission to do so.